Restoring Your Marriage After Cheating - Is It Possible?
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Posted On :
Dec-22-2011
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Article Word Count :
569
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Healing your relationship after infidelity can be challenging for both partners in a relationship. In this article we will consider a few of the steps that you need to take to preserve and reinforce a marriage or long-term relationship after one or both of the partners has had an affair.
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Healing your relationship after infidelity can be challenging for both partners in a relationship. In this article we will consider a few of the steps that you need to take to preserve and reinforce a marriage or long-term relationship after one or both of the partners has had an affair.
1. Establish Honesty
For healing after unfaithfulness to be successful, it is important to make integrity the basis of your relationship from now on.
This doesn't necessarily mean telling each other everything. You can always say that you would prefer not to answer a question, or that there are things you do not want to know about. You can even respond to a question with another question - for instance, asking the person why they want to know that. The real key is not to tell a lie.
If you're the aggrieved partner, try not to ask about too many specifics of the affair. It is healthy to discuss some aspects of it, and have a certain openness between you. For example, you may want to know the person's identity. This way when the name pops up in other contexts (for instance, if you have a friend who shares the individual's name) there will be no misunderstanding or unspoken undercurrents between you.
However, it's usually better not to know too much concerning the physical side of the affair. That kind of information can be extremely destructive. If you feel like you absolutely need to know, at least hold on a while before asking, and try to ask in a way that will not lead to your partner telling you more than you want to know.
2. Rebuild Trust
This task should follow on automatically from the first. When you both know that you are able to be honest, trust will follow.
Understand that you must trust yourself together with your partner. You must be prepared to be truthful with your partner, and trust yourself to handle it when they reveal information to you that makes you uncomfortable.
In many cases, individuals are unable to be truthful because they do not have the self knowledge to see their own motivations clearly. In that scenario it is difficult to rebuild trust, and you might need therapy, either individually or couples counseling.
3. Move On
One of the most important skills for recovery after cheating is being able to leave the past behind you, live for the present and plan for the future.
Remember that all of us are continuously changing. Even the most ingrained habits can be overcome. It isn't fair to keep mentioning past infidelities in every argument that develops. Should you do that, you will undoubtedly drive your partner further away.
Start making plans for the future together. This doesn't have to be anything big; just be sure that you're discussing what you want from life as well as from the romantic relationship. Discuss what you are going to do on evenings and weekends.
Figure out a way of living that means you are both getting a sufficient amount of whatever you really want and need. There will be compromise, however it should not be a question of one of you always giving in to the other. Working together as a genuine partnership is the key to recovery after infidelity.
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Article Source :
http://www.articleseen.com/Article_Restoring Your Marriage After Cheating - Is It Possible?_123302.aspx
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Author Resource :
Jo Goodman is the creator of Marriage Self Help and Marriage Trouble. She is a professional writer and counselor specializing in attraction and building relationships based on love, tolerance, peace and harmony.
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Keywords :
relationships, marriage, family, home, divorce,
Category :
Society
:
Marriage
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