Accepting Our Parent’s Decisions And Learning To Live With The Consequences
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Posted On :
Aug-29-2011
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Article Word Count :
892
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Having worked as a home health care and assisted living administrator for a number of years I have sat with many seniors and their family members as they argued, pled, issued ultimatums, etc. to come to an agreement about the parent’s living situation.
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Having worked as a home health care and assisted living administrator for a number of years I have sat with many seniors and their family members as they argued, pled, issued ultimatums, etc. to come to an agreement about the parent’s living situation. Usually the “kids” (themselves in their 40s and 50s) want their parent to make some sort of change. The parent usually wants nothing to do with this kind of talk, sees no reason to change anything and resents having to be in the room.
I often felt like a wise mediator giving pros and cons as we discussed options such as home care, assisted living, respite services or adult day care. Where my own parents are concerned, however, I am not sitting in the chair of “the wise one” but am the one trying to convince my parents to at least consider an alternative housing option.
My parents are in their 80s and live in the house in which I grew up. Over the past 60 years, as you would expect, the community has gone through many changes. The town is more populated, the people are more transient, the incident of crime is much higher, and the neighbor-to-neighbor support is much less. Their cadre of friends diminishes for a variety of causes almost on a monthly basis and immediate family members now living in the area are non-existent.
I find myself in the position of the many adult children that I counseled and am dealing with the fact that my parents will not consider making any kind of move from the house that has been their home for so many years. They are both competent and capable of understanding the changes that have occurred around them and are willing to take some risks to stay where they are.
This was painfully evident a couple of months ago when thieves broke into their house during the day and stole jewelry, silver and electronic items. It was an easy score for the robbers who broke a window for entry. My parents were out of the house for a couple of hours and they left a deadbolt key inside the house near a door that was then easily opened for a quick escape. Mother and Daddy replaced the window glass, moved the key, went through a few days of sadness for the sentimental items that are gone forever, filed a homeowner’s insurance claim and decided to keep everything else the same. According to Daddy, “This could have happened anywhere” and intellectually I know he is right.
Emotionally, however, I struggle to remain calm and objective. I am looking for some peace of mind that my Mother and Daddy will be more safe and secure. So far, they are not helping me achieve this. They rejected the suggestions from my brother and I to install a security system, reinforce the doors and windows, get a personal emergency response alert pendant/watch, or put in some motion detector lights or cameras around the house.
Based on my professional experience I do believe that parents will often listen to and accept solutions from someone outside the family structure more readily than from their own children. This is where a case manager, social worker, physician, nurse or clergy member may be able to step in to mediate an issue. Respecting an aging parent’s right to continue to make his/her own decisions may be one of the hardest concepts to accept – especially when the decision differs the choice you would make for them.
You can read more about how my family grapples with decision making by reading my blog that is based on our real life experiences. You can contact me at pwessel@vhshc.org. and see the blog at vhshc.org. I welcome your comments.
Patrice B. Wessel Profile
For more than 25 years Patrice Wessel has developed services and networks that improve the quality of life of elderly and disabled individuals. Her areas of expertise include community senior center management, assisted living community operations, hospital marketing and community outreach, home care administration and governmental social services funding and monitoring. Patrice has a wealth of direct knowledge and professional experience in the continuum of care available to families.
Patrice provided executive leadership and day to day management for a leading assisted living community, managed all community liaison and marketing for a hospital behavioral health division, and as a home care administrator was responsible for all aspects of delivery of care to seniors in their own home. This experience gives Patrice a unique perspective on what options are available for the best quality of life for seniors.
Patrice’s knowledge and insights on how to best take care of our aging population is not limited to professional experience. The Visiting Homemaker Service (VHS) of Hudson County blogger is personally aware of the challenges families face as elderly loved ones age. Her blog is a candid account of struggles and potential solutions she encountered after a fall left her 83-year-old father with a broken hip. By chronicling her own experience as an adult child caregiver, Patrice hopes to offer support and help others navigate this rocky road. She welcomes your comments, observations, experiences and feedback.
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Article Source :
http://www.articleseen.com/Article_Accepting Our Parent’s Decisions And Learning To Live With The Consequences_77625.aspx
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Author Resource :
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Keywords :
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Category :
Health and Fitness
:
Health and Fitness
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